Effective

Research shows that couples wait an average of 6 years before getting help for their relationship problems. Unfortunately, by the time many couples seek help, things have gotten so bad there seems to be little hope to reconnect the relationship. However, I have seen relationships survive and even thrive after years of difficulty. When we can depend on our partner, we feel safe and connected. However, if we feel like our partner isn’t there for us, we may feel detached, abandoned, and alone.

Getting to the “Root”

When a couple contacts me, it is often because they are having “communication problems,” and feel disconnected. As we talk, what usually becomes the clear cause for their discontent is not what is being described, but rather, something else. This is what I call the “Iceberg Effect.” Couples get “stuck” when all they see is what happens at the surface. If stuck here, the love in the relationship turns cold. What the couple doesn’t see are all the unmet needs and unacknowledged emotions lying underneath the surface, cycling the conflict. When working with couples, I utilize a specific form of therapy developed by Dr. Sue Johnson, called Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). EFT is backed by over 25 years of research and has been proven to be the most effective form of couples counseling. Research has shown that EFT is effective with 75% of couples moving from distress to recovery, and approximately 90% showing significant improvements (ICEEFT.com). EFT is based on the science of adult love and bonding and is a powerful approach to transforming love relationships through helping partners send clear emotional signals to each other.

Healing That Lasts

Although I may address problematic issues with communication, I will dive deeper below the “iceberg” to explore the meaning behind communication problems to uncover significant emotions, unmet needs, and unresolved emotional hurts that are at the root of the couple’s discontent. Ideally, through therapy, the couple will begin to experience a new cycle of interaction, one in which each partner becomes aware of the needs and emotions of the other. Deeper intimacy, improved problem solving, effective communication, and relational satisfaction may result.